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"Lost in the mail."
That's one excuse a Legal Plan Member swears his tenants invented just for him.
Said their mailbox must've been the Bermuda Triangle of rent checks.
Finally, he snapped.
Asked us:
"Can I force my tenants to pay rent online?"
Here's the truth: kinda.
You can waive that shi...
Then it hit us… we should start a podcast.
Call it Lawyers Yell At Leases.
Couple bourbons.
Fresh red pens.
Us shredding leases like a teacher who just found out you copied your book report off Facebook.
And the material writes itself.
Last week, we saw a lease — DIY job, smelled like cat pee....
Ever seen someone sign the wrong line?
Like the dad who thinks his signature belongs on every piece of paper in town.
Receipt at Burger King.
School permission slip.
Birthday card to Grandma.
One day he's buying Whoppers.
The next he's "agreeing" to chaperone prom.
Same thing happens with lea...
Know someone like this?
Swears they "don't need credit."
Says cash is king.
Drives a '98 Ford Ranger with a cassette deck and brags he's never had a car payment.
Cute until he tries to rent an apartment.
Landlord runs his credit — and it's bad.
Not because he skips bills. Because he barely has...
"It was a can't miss deal."
Facebook Marketplace.
Camper big enough to block the sun.
Price so low it probably came with a free raccoon.
Now, tenant's got it parked sideways in the driveway.
Landlord loses it.
Prints "No RVs!" and staples to the front door.
Next week?
Camper still there.
Tr...
She swore he didn't live there.
But he answered the door in boxers.
Socks and slides.
Holding her baby.
So yeah... he got served the eviction notice.
Lucky ole' cuss.
Zero rent paid.
100% confidence.
Five minutes later she calls:
"Your notice is invalid! He's not even on the lease!"
Sweet...
Well would you look at that!
We told ya'll this squatter bill was floating through Springfield a while back.=9]
Gotta admit:
We figured it would sink like every other landlord-friendly idea in Illinois.
But nope.
It passed — and it's now law!
Somewhere an entitled squatter shed a tear in a sto...
Once upon a time.
In a rental not far away...
There was a tenant named Mark.
Mark had a "cousin" on the couch.
Said he was just there 'til he got back on his feet.
Apparently, his feet were broken.
Then Mark stopped paying rent.
A 5-Day Notice was sent.
Only problem?
The notice just had Mar...
It seems obvious.
If a tenant breaks 3 rules, you should be able to boot 'em for all 3.
But nah...
Say your tenant's got the trifecta:
- Pit bull
- Cigarette smoke
- Barbershop in the living room (fades were solid, we'll give him that).
So you serve a 10-Day Notice but only write "unauthorize...
Tenant hits you up at 10:43 PM:
“FYI I didn't pay rent last month because the fridge light was out. LMK if you’re gonna fix it.”
First off: Who’s living in their fridge?
Like it's Narnia: Section 8 Edition?
You can’t sit quiet for weeks and then come outta nowhere like,
“Hey, rent’s canceled 'c...
There’s always that dude at the real estate meetup.
Cargo shorts.
Bluetooth earpiece.
Smells like he owns 6 units and a deep fryer.
One recently leaned back, took a deep breath, and blessed the room with:
“If your lease says no pets, they can’t bring an Emotional Support Animal.”
Then smirks l...
This Spring, one of our landlords got cute.
Tenant skipped rent.
So he shut off the water.
Figure: no pay, not shower.
And since the water bill was in his name?
Why not?
Two days later, the tenant peed in a 5-gallon bucket...
And dumped it out of the second-story window.
Right above the land...